


Broken Record on Replay

by Ginnn_dryyy



Category: HLVRAI-Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Gore, HLVRAI, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, How Do I Tag, I've never done this before, M/M, Not A Game AU, RIP me, Slow Burn, Tags to be added, Time Loop AU, Violence, basically like groundhog day and edge of tomorrow as a hlvrai AU, hlvrai au, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25310932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginnn_dryyy/pseuds/Ginnn_dryyy
Summary: This is like Groundhog Day and Edge of Tomorrow as a HLVRAI AU. Read, how Gordon slowly ascends into madness, due to him experiencing the resonance cascade over and over again. But how and why did it happen? Will he be able to escape this hellish time loop?
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 71





	1. The End is Just the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I thank Slaughter_Dsaf on Instagram for helping me find a neat title (and giving me some ideas here and there)...
> 
> I had this idea like, less than a day into this fandom and ngl...I am really hyped to write this down and I truly hope this will turn out like I've meant for it to be and most importantly, I hope youl'll enjoy! Comments are welcome ^^....UwU...So, LET'S F!CKING GOOOOO!!!!11!1!!

"-You see, I- I was tryna be nice, but you forced me to be bad- So I'm gonna be BAAAAD!" Dr. Gordon Freeman, age 27, a degree in theoretical physics, eploye- FORMER employee of the now completely destroyed, Government-funded (which was now eradicated as well) facility that carried the name 'Black Mesa' was currently standing in reddish alien goo, on a completely different planet, in front of a, as well formerly employed, security guard of Black Mesa named Benrey. 

He was now the Final Boss. The thing is- Gordon would probably be less terrified if said security guard wouldn't be the size of a Building, or have a slowly approaching army of 'Black Mesa sweet voice' wielding skeletons. "How did I force you to be bad!?" Gordon spoke, utter confusion audible in his voice as he spoke. "The- The plot is slowly unraveling before your eyes-" The monster of a security guard spoke. All hell broke loose at that. His voice becoming unintelligible and distorted, even more than usual. His form started to shift and morph. Teeth appearing even sharper and longer than usual, a maniacally intimidating grin plastered on his face, a red glow emitting from his multiplying eyes, seemingly claws for hands now and his body somehow grew even larger...Gordon has no idea if he was just imagining the last part but he can feel himself being paralyzed with fear. This was truly something straight out of a vibrant fever dream/nightmare or a horror movie. Gordon wanted to run, to scream, to shoot, to just do anything.

Finally, Benrey just straight out phased to a wall. He shook himself out of his paralyzed state and went to the rest of the equally terrified science team. Gordon spoke up, trying to argue with the science team if Benrey dropped any clue on how to kill him that he might have not understood. To the surprise of everyone in the science team, Benrey could very well see and hear them. The group started running towards a pool of clear water, only to be assaulted by a horde of skeletons, non stop singing in the shrill pitches of sweet voice. Gordon shot as many as he could as fast as he could, also swimming back up as fast as he could. This, proving to be a rather difficult task with the added weight of both his HEV suit and Mini-Gun hand. But he managed to get another breather right before they've discovered Tommy's passport. All four shot at it and when it was nothing but shredded remains of it, the team swam up, gasping when they finally crawled out of the pool. "Tommy, that was your passport!" Gordon started, after catching his breath. 

The damaged helmet of his suit had several cracks, meaning it has leaked water in when they dove down. He quickly removed it and threw it somewhere, assuming it would not serve any more purpose. He continued to argue with Tommy, whilst adjusting his cracked, almost just as useless now, glasses and his messed up ponytail. It was probably the first time he took it off while the others were present. Silence for a short minute, everyone staring in awe as they saw his surprisingly handsome face for the first time. Gordon was just about to ask why they were staring at him like this when Benrey's voice halted Gordon's action. 

"ONE BY ONE." He said in his distorted voice. Bubby seemed to snap out of it, as he shook his head and started to run off. "That looks like a portal!" He pointed up. Dr. Coomer turned away as well, beaming in his usual demeanor: "Gordon look! A Bounce Pad! We can use this to get back to the Portal!" Everyone went to jump to the portal and teleported straight into another big room, Benrey in the middle. "He's transformed even more!" Gordon yelled, finding it easier yet harder to breathe without his helmet. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!?" The eldritch abomination yelled at his former teammates. Gordon tried to speak but stuttered so he just started shooting instead. "STOP SHOOTING OR I WILL HAVE TO SHOOT BACK!...I DON'T WANNA DO THAT..!" White glowing, fast projectiles came flying their way. Gordon and Tommy, who stood in the line of fire dodged in a not so elegant manner. 

It wasn't supposed to be elegant in any way, it was supposed to keep them from dying on the spot. As they ran, several skeletons started circling them with sweet voice. On any other occasion, it would have been a great song, but in this, Gordon knew that hearing this could mean death. So he fired his gun hand at the inclosing skeletons that are now cocooning Gordon in said sweet voice, making him unable to move. The others reacted quickly and shot the skeletons. "GET LOST!!! You damned Bone Boys!" Bubby exclaimed. "I can move again! F@CK!" Gordon cursed. "DON'T F@CK WITH THE SCIENCE TEAM!!" Dr. Coomer yelled. Gordon charged towards Benrey, trying to shoot him in the process. 

GORE UP AHEAD!!

Tommy and Dr. Coomer simultaneously yelled, "WATCH OUT GORDON!!" Gordon turned to see what they were yelling about, and at this very moment, Benrey took a step forward, stepping on Gordon. Even the skeletons stopped singing and looked into the general direction of the sickening crack and splattering noise they've heard from there. Benrey doesn't seem to notice, as he continued with a crackle and a line: "I'M GONNA GETCHA!" Everyone looked completely horrified. 

Tommy looked ghostly pale, close to vomiting as he held his hand in front of his mouth in an attempt to keep himself from doing so. Even Bubby looked at the blood splatter in utter shock. Dr. Coomer's usual happiness and enthusiasm was replaced by fear and shock, accompanied by tears for his fallen comrade. Tommy was the first to completely break down though, falling to his knees and crying hard. Bubby looked away, tears visible as well. 

Benrey's smile dropped as even the skeletons stopped singing, seemingly shuddering at the squelching and crunching sound that echoed within the arena. When Benrey followed their stares to his foot, he saw the puddle of blood and was that a-  
Benrey's heart sunk. He slowly lifted his foot. underneath, the slightly indented floor with a completely squeezed HEV suit. If you saw the pulp of a human on an autopsy table, you wouldn't even be able to tell that it had a face, or a respiratory system, for it was squeezed out of the small opening in his HEV suit that happened to be his throat. The remnants of brain, bone, and organs are splattered everywhere above what used to be the head area, though the blood has found its way through seemingly every crack of the suit, making a red mess everywhere. Benrey went pale. T-This can't be happening...NO...NOO-

End of Gore!!!:

Gordon woke up, screaming bloody murder, sweat covering him like a slick, uncomfortably tight, and warm coat. What was that? Gordon took a deep breath to calm himself. He tried recalling what made him wake up like that but only fog and static filled his head. Of course, he had to get a headache now too. He turned to look at his bedside table clock which read: 5:51. How convenient. He was gonna wake up in a few minutes anyway. 

As he went to stand up, a sudden pain, that felt like someone kicked him in the stomach settled and Gordon doubled over, trying hard not to empty his stomach on his carpeted floor. Instead, he ran to the bathroom, which was luckily connected to the bedroom, and relieved his stomach of its unruly acid. When the barfing and pain finally settled, he slowly stood up and got his toothbrush. Gordon went under the shower for about ten minutes, just to relax his oddly sore body. 'Odd, I didn't do any workout yesterday...' After finishing, he grabbed a towel and dried himself. Gordon grabbed a plain black button-up shirt, dark blue jeans, and a lab coat. He tied his still damp hair into a ponytail. Saves time. 

He went downstairs, started his coffee machine, and put some toast in a toaster. He didn't realize that he subconsciously stalled for time, but when he looked at the clock he had a mini panic attack. "Holy sh@t it's late!" He yelled in realization. He grabbed his keys and his backpack and ran to his car. He stopped dead in tracks when he stood in front of the door. A feeling kept nagging him that he should not go and just stay at home, but he pushed it down and entered the car.

Time skip!!

Gordon was all suited up in the HEV suit and ready to do the test. He walked down the hallway, happy that he had the honor of executing it. He greeted the people he met on the way, an odd feeling of Deja Vu overflooded him. When he walked across the corner, he nearly tripped. Gordon could have sworn his heart stopped for a moment, though he doesn't know why. It was just two security guards having a chat, and yet here he was. That odd stomach and headache from earlier returned. He wavered a little and the security guard walked towards him. The nagging feeling returned. 

No...It was not a feeling but a Flight or Fight response his nerves were sending to the brain.

"Do- Can I see your passport?" The guard asked. Gordon was feeling even more nauseous than before and doubled over a little, holding his stomach. "Are...Are you crying?" Gordon looked up and now realized that his vision was blurred. He quickly wiped his tears away and regained his composure. "W-What do you mean...Pass...por...t..." Another intense wave of Deja Vu hit him. Though this time it was different. It felt too real. Like this actually happened before. He looked the guard...No...He knows his name...Bern...Benny?...Barney?..."Have we met before?" Was the only thing he could muster. "I don't think so...Weirdo." Gordon rolled his eyes and just told him to f@ck off and that he was gonna be late because of his shenanigans. Berry? ...Started following him after the whole scene. How great...

He was now standing in the test chamber. Every alarm bell in his body screamed and begged him to get out of there and just go home, but he ignored it. The guard, Bearny looked up and was about to greet the one scientist like an old friend, when all of a sudden, Gordon interrupted with: "Benrey?" The guard looked at him a little startled. "Did- Have I...Have I told you my name? How do you know my name? Are...Are you a stalker?" Gordon shrugged and wanted to answer with something along the line of 'Just a good guess?' but another voice stopped him before he could. 

"Hello, Gordon!" Dr. Coomer chirped in. And out of sheer reflex, Gordon answered: "Hello Dr. Coomer." His voice sounded exhausted when he said that, almost like he was sick of saying that very line. Not that he doesn't like Dr. Coomer but when it comes to surviving, he seemingly doesn't take anything seriously...Wait...How is Gordon supposed to know how he acts in a life or death situation? Another headache hits hard and he holds the temples of his helmet. 

Sadly, through a helmet, it does not help much. 

Benrey pestered him while he tried to execute the test, this sadly only worsening his headache. He was now about to push the crystal into the beam. Tommy was about to say something but Gordon cut him to it. "Just as slow as molasses, dripping off a spoon I know I know." Tommy just stood there, confused as to how he knew what he was gonna say. As Gordon did what he was supposed to, everything broke down. A huge resonance cascade. When he woke up, everything was broken, sparking, and smoking. This feeling came back in form of a hefty 'I told you so'. 

After this nauseating feeling dispersed, it started pulling him towards directions he didn't know he should go to.  
After collecting the science team- The what? Where did that- Honestly, he stopped questioning the strange Deja Vu things that are happening around him. Anyway, after collecting them, they started wandering towards the surface.

(Big spaces between texts are now time skips, I do not want to write time skip every time.)

They were all cooped up in a secured room, Gordon having a gun for a hand now. He struggled a little but eventually managed to get his helmet off. Everyone was asleep, so nobody could see his eyes leaking nor hear the eventual sobbing. It felt so familiar, yet he knows that it is impossible that this happened before and he sure as hell is not a psychic. 

He wasn't crying because of the unexplainable, but the recurring nightmare that haunted him every time he went to sleep. It was him being crushed under something huge and the worst part is, he could feel it. Feel how his body was getting crushed under that enormous weight. And he has the suspicion that this will actually happen. That's why he is bawling his eyes out. 

He did not notice Benrey entering. Right, that inhuman guard did not require sleep. He just stood there watching Gordon with a surprised face. Gordon finally noticed him standing there. "What." He snapped. Benrey jumped a little, snapping out of his trance. "I've never seen your face before...It- You're always wearing the helmet..." He could have sworn he saw a tint of pink on the guard's face, but didn't acknowledge it and instead blamed it on the darkness and his exhaustion. "Uhuh.." Was the only thing Gordon managed to utter before he laid down and fell asleep. Benrey stepped closer and kneeled to inspect Gordon's face from up close. Not as ugly as he thought.

They were standing in front of a portal and no matter how long he stared at it, the feeling that had guided him that far said 'no further!' and he wasn't sure if he should listen or not. The others were waiting impatiently for him. He took a deep breath and jumped in. And there it was. The scenery from his nightmares. They jumped from floating island to floating island, directly to what seems to be another portal. 

They appeared directly in front of Benrey, who was as tall as a house- oh no. If this is truly like his oddly specific nightmares, he will- yep there it is. He's transforming again. Red glowing, multiplying eyes, long sharp teeth and claws, and the size change. 

So he didn't imagine it last time...Wait...Last time? Last time...He died...Didn't he...But how...

They destroy Tommy's passport and swam up. "That looks like a portal!" Bubby said. "Gordon look! A Jump Pad! we can use these to get back to the portal!" Dr. Coomer beamed. Gordon stopped in front of the Jump Pad. He was going to die...But how?! He jumped. Benrey stood in the middle of the huge arena. He kept quiet. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" Benrey yelled. Gordon raised his arm to shoot but stopped. The others opened fire though. "STOP SHOOTING OR I WILL HAVE TO SHOOT BACK!..I DON'T WANNA DO THAT...!" Gordon and Tommy dodged the white glowing projectiles. He was being cocooned by sweet voice wielding skeletons. Everything started to blur together. After the others helped free him, his muscle memory started pulling him towards Benrey. He charged forward. 

Static.

The static in his head became louder. 

Unbearably loud. 

His breathing became erratic. 

He felt dizzy. Nauseous even.

Tears were running down his face.

He tripped and everything blacked out. 

The last thing he heard was a maniacal crackle.

NOO-

Gordon woke up, yelling. Completely drenched in his sweat. He looked at his bedside table clock and it read 5:51. How convenient, he was gonna- Wait. He tried to recall what happened in his nightmare and this time, it had clear images. Still, some parts are as murky as the Black Mesa sewage water...Wait, what? Were did he get that comparison from? Doesn't matter. He got his toothbrush and took a shower. 'Weird...My muscles are all sore...Yet I can't recall doing any sort of workout yesterday...Maybe from all the running for our lives, dumbass!? Our? Who is us? And what was so life-threatening?' When he tried to remember, all he came up with were fuzzy images of people, hallways, rooms, and other things he couldn't make sense of. The only clear image was a huge eldritch monster, which was about to stomp him into the ground. He shivered at the very thought. 

After dressing up and eating breakfast, he drove to Black Mesa. The ride was filled with silence. It usually is since there is no one else in the car, but he usually has his radio turned on. This time, it was quiet and the only noises were the soft whirring of the driving car and Gordon's occasional mumbling. 'This truly feels like the 3rd time I lived through this...day? Days?...' 

Gordon got into the HEV suit, still deep in thoughts. As he passed a corner, he immediately stood perfectly still. This...Guard...Benrey...He is that eldritch monster. He backed away slowly, as the guard casually approached him. "Hey uh, Do you- Can I see your Passport?" Gordon raised his right arm and flexed. Right. He doesn't have a gun hand yet...YET?! What?!? He slowly lowered his arm and simply shook his head. "Well...I guess I-" Benrey started. "You have to follow me." Gordon finished. "I know..." And with that, they walked towards Gordon's destination. 

They, once again, passed all members of the science team...And as Gordon and Benrey arrived in the test chamber, Gordon spoke up. "Dr. Coomer, how high is the possibility, that a resonance cascade might happen?" "Hello, Gordon! I do believe this is of a very low chance. Why do you ask?" Dr. Coomer asked in his usual beaming voice. 'To think I ever saw him cry...' Where did that image come from? "Oh...Just curious." Gordon answered, completely spaced away. Less than two minutes later, it happened again. Gordon thought about it. 'That was the third time..? I should keep counting, just in case this isn't my imagination.!

End of chapter 1: The End is Just the Beginning


	2. Dawning Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HNNNNGGGGHHHH yes. Writing is hard XDD I hope y'all enjoy some psycho Gordon hehe

Gordon slowly opened his eyes. The exaggerated snoring of the science team echoed in the small hideout. Gordon sat up and decided to take his helmet off. It was getting quite uncomfortable. He struggled a little with only one hand but it got the deed done. He put it on his left side and looked around. 

It was dark, with only the soft glow of his HEV suit and a cold white, relatively dim lamp on a desk illuminating the room. The two exits on either side have been barricaded with wooden planks they took from crates. Speaking of crates Benrey sat on a crate in a far corner of the opposite exit Gordon was currently facing. 

He watched the scene with interest, for it is the first time he saw the other man without his helmet. Benrey had to admit, Gordon looked less ugly than he had anticipated. And for some strange reason, the inhuman felt oddly mesmerized by the brunette's eyes. An intense electric green.

Yes. Benrey has Twilight vision. His eyes probably glow like a cat's when shone on with a flashlight...

Benrey sat quietly, listening to Gordon mumbling. He didn't understand a word but it sounded very soothing. The other man shifted in his heavy-duty astronaut like suit, trying to get into a comfortable position. 

As he did, he continued his unintelligible rambling. Making all kinds of facial expressions. As his expressions got darker, he slowly started to curl into a ball. Silent tears started to run down the man's face.

Seeing this, Benrey felt something. To see those watery orbs of emerald, made him cringe. He rarely felt what he was feeling now...

" a a a a a a a a " The guard slapped a hand to his mouth as orange to blue orbs of sweet voice cut the tension he didn't know had built up and added to a relatively tranquil atmosphere. 

Gordon jolted when he heard the sweet voice and immediately turned to the source, gently wiping his red, puffy eyes. Not doing much since he was wearing a metal glove but worth a try. He truly wished Tommy was awake to translate this. 

"What the hell?" He quietly complained. Benrey just shrugged and waved the remains of sweet voice away from his mouth. Gordon wanted to argue but cut himself off. The only thing he would receive would be an obtuse reply for sure. 

He just dismissively shook his head and laid down to sleep. Finding, with difficulty, a decent sleeping position before he closed his eyes.

Benrey wanted to wake him up to listen to him rambling again, but at the same time he knew in doing so, he would only become more grouchy and weird than he had been so far. 'Cringe-@ss, chicken hat.'

The first one to wake up was Dr. Coomer. The moment he did, he greeted Benrey with his usual bright smile and enthusiastic voice. The second one was Bubby, with his usual frown. He snapped at Benrey for staring but Dr. Coomer calmed him with a warming hug. Resisting at first, but now hugging back as the third awoke.

Tommy stretched and yawned as he smiled at the scene playing before him. "*Yawn* Goodm- Good whatever Benrey!" Tommy chuckled at the realization that he and probably no one else knew what time of day it was. Benrey gave a small laugh as well.

Benrey watched, as Tommy stood up and went over to Gordon. Walking past the now chatting pair. He crouched down to gently shake Gordon awake. "W-Wake up, Mr. Freema-" Tommy gasped. "Mr...Mr. Freeman? Did you even sleep at all?!" 

Gordon's exhausted gaze met Tommy's concerned one. He sat up and just shook his head sluggishly. 

'He looks even uglier than last night.' Was the first thing that came to Benrey's mind. He smiled at the thought, revealing his yellowish sharp teeth.

Dr. Coomer and Bubby both stopped chatting to look at Gordon and stared in awe. It was the first time they saw him without his helmet. He was quite handsome, though currently, he looked more like a trainwreck. 

Gordon's unfocused eyes met with the others surprised stares. But in all honesty, he was feeling way too exhausted as to ask why they were staring at him like that, so he simply blinked with a blank expression. Which is normally a rare sight on the usually either stressed or amused man's face.

It wasn't unsettling or anything, just weird. 

They continued the journey. As expected, Gordon fell behind a little. Gotta cut the man some slack though. For his exhausted state, managing to walk around in a heavy metal suit is quite impressive. 

Benrey walked Behind Gordon so he wouldn't fall behind even more. And so he wouldn't steal anything of course. This is obviously the main reason. 

Gordon could feel Benrey staring at him. His trenchant stare was hard to ignore so he stopped and turned around. "What?" He said in a highly annoyed tone. "Wuh?" Benrey mumbled. "Why are you staring daggers at my back? Are you planning on murdering me again?" 

Benrey was quiet for a second. 'Again? what does he mean by that?' He never once mentioned or thought about hurting the man.

Gordon's eyes widened a little at the comment he made and just turned around with a huff and caught up with the rest. 'God, I am already confusing dreams with reality...I think the lack of sleep is getting to me.'

Benrey caught up with the rest as well and continued to walk behind Gordon. Looking at the metal floor.

The guard was suspicious. Something was definitely wrong with Gordon. No, he knew about the lack of sleep, what he meant was Gordon's behavior towards him...

Almost as if he knew something...

Gordon was still lost in thoughts. He didn't even notice the others stopping and accidentally bumped into Bubby. "Watch where you're f@cking going, Freeman!!" 

Gordon jumped a little, not expecting the sudden impact. "Sorry, Bubby...I...I am just thinking..." "Well do it when we are on a break and not in the middle of a shooting!" 

At that, He finally took in his surroundings and realized that they were being attacked by headcrab-infested scientists and peeper puppies. 

"Oh sh@t!!!" Gordon drew his gun and still in a hazy state, missed five bullets before actually hitting a loose headcrab. 

The fight was over in less than five minutes and Gordon grabbed his trusty crowbar to smash a soda machine. Everyone drank the entire soda in record time, slurping inhumanly loud. Gordon couldn't help but chuckle at that.

For him, it felt like he hasn't smiled in ages.

Tommy stood up from the mess of cracked cans and small puddles of several different brands of soda. He went over to Gordon and handed him a Rockstar energy. "Soda will help you see faster as well. Also, it- it really seems like you need the caffeine, Mr. Freeman!" 

Gordon took the can and nodded affirmatively. (He was wearing his helmet again, so his smile was not visible.) "Thanks, Tommy. I really do need caffeine if I want to keep up with you guys..." 

He placed the soda on a table and took off his helmet. Picking the soda back up, he remembered, he hasn' been drinking for two days now...He was no biologist but he knew how unhealthy this was.

"In survival, the rule of threes involves the priorities in order to survive.[1][2][3] The rule, depending on the place where one lives, allow people to effectively prepare for emergencies[4] and determine decision-making in case of injury or danger posed by the environment.[5]

Rule  
Normally, the rule of threes contains the following:

You can survive three minutes without breathable air (unconsciousness generally occurs), or in icy water.  
You can survive three hours in a harsh environment (extreme heat or cold).  
You can survive three days without drinkable water.  
You can survive three weeks without food.  
Gordon, drink the soda Tommy gave you!" Dr. Coomer looked worried.  
.  
.  
.  
'Was I mumbling?' Gordon nodded and opened the soda can. As he started drinking, he realized how thirsty he was and drowned the whole thing in one go.

Energized, Gordon and the others continued their path. 

Gordon was pretty sure they've walked for hours now. He might have no idea what time it is, but he sure as hell knew what will come next. And- 

Yep there it was. The thing Tommy started calling 'the Black Mesa Golem Ape'. Gross looking thing. And every time it appeared, Benrey sang his Death song. A beautifully melancholic song. 

Gordon stood close by this time, leaning against the wall next to the wide entrance to were that monster was. He quietly hummed along to the sad little melody. 

Bubby noticed him humming along to a tune no one has ever heard from the inhuman before. He wanted to talk to Gordon about this but was a little to creeped out by the man as to confront him directly. That man was a neurotic mess that looked like he could kill everyone and then himself with a smile.

Bubbles of red and blue started floating everywhere. Gordon reached out to gently poke one. It popped into what looked like reddish dust, yet it was sticky to the touch. Gordon was tempted to lick it off but stopped himself. Might be poisonous.

Approximately Two an a half hours later, they've reached the surface. On the way, they have encountered and killed quite a lot of soldiers. And outside were even more.

Bubby jokingly said: "You should sneak up then...And break their god damn necks." Gordon made a thoughtful noise. If weren't wasn't for the helmet, the others would have seen the widening smile.

"Be as quiet-" "As a badger after a den of snakes yea I get it..." Tommy opened his mouth as to ask how he keeps knowing what he is about to say but Gordon already ran off, dropping his crowbar.

Dr. Coomer was about to tell Gordon he dropped his crowbar, but a disgusting, echoing crack, accompanied by gunfire halted him. 

One snap after another. One gunfire less after another.

From behind a door, more soldiers came. A cacophony of gunfire and cracking was audible.

"Should we help...?" Tommy started. Dr. Coomer only held him back, a blank expression on the usually smiling man's face.

The Gunfire stopped completely. 

Gordon stood in front of Benrey, who looked at him with a horrified expression.

The science team slowly walked to the scene.

Gordon's hands went up grabbing his helmet and throwing it to the side, revealing a soft smile.

Yet, his wide bloodshot eyes were telling a completely different story.

He was shaking and breathing hard, blood covering the man's body like a coat. It was not his blood.

Benrey stood up, taking a step back. The blood-covered man just stared at him. 

(A/N: His suit was already covered in dried and washed away blood. The soldiers were accidentally shooting at each other due to Gordon standing behind or beside them to break their necks, resulting in him getting splattered.)

"Oh wow...Y-You guys made it out..." Benrey's voice was trembling slightly, still in shock of seeing the usually reserved man snap ALL the soldiers necks like glow sticks.

Gordon took a sharp breath through his nose. "Yeah, no thanks to you..." He said, sighing. Tilting his head mid-sentence with that unsettlingly soft smile. He looked behind himself, making direct eye contact with Bubby, who flinched and looked away. 

"Come on! I don't bite!" Gordon commented with a jocular undertone to the distance the team has settled between them. 

No one moved an inch. Only looking at Gordon with still shocked, judging glares. 

That silence. That unbearably pungent silence. 

Gordon's smile fell and a blank expression settled. His eyes looked empty.

A pigeon cooing in the distance.

Gordon unholstered his gun and turned the safety off in record speed, aimed at the poor creature and mercilessly fired at it.

Tommy yelped at the sudden sound of gunfire. Everyone seemed rather startled at that unnecessary action as well. 

At least it was completely silent now. 

Gordon turned the safety back on. Gun still out.

Dr. Coomer broke the silence. "Hello, Gordon!" A nervous smile on his face. Gordon stared at him. 

"How come..." He calmly started, taking a deep breath. "How come, you guys get to MURDER mercilessly and smile like nothing happened? But when I do it, I IMMEDIATELY get labeled as psychopath?!" He got louder at the end. He swung his arms around to empathize his point.

"You don't have your passport." The guard cut in, a smug smile on his face. Gordon slowly turned to face him, his face still blank. He took a deep breath and swallowed that huge lump of rage inside his throat. 

Gordon was about to scream his lungs out about how he can shove that passport deep down his arse. But he remembered how futile it is to argue with him. So instead, he turned back to the others and squeezed past them, pumping their shoulders on purpose. 

Static...

"Sh@t..." He mumbled. Gordon went to a relatively hidden corner and sunk against the wall.

His vision became blurry.

It felt like he was trying to breathe underwater.

The static overpowered every sound. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling streams of something hot running down his face. 

He was having a full-on panic attack. 

Gordon's vision was already filled with black spots. He would pass out any second.

Suddenly, blue. 

"..n?!" ...

"Go...n?!" 

"Gordon!!" Bubby slapped him.

"Now now, Bubby! Don't just slap him after a panic attack like that!" Dr. Coomer scolded the pyromaniac. 

Gordon could finally breathe normally again. He took several deep breaths. The black spots slowly faded.

"A-Are you okay, Mr. Freeman? That was a pretty intense panic attack..." Tommy looked pretty worried. 

" Y-yeah...I-I'm fine..." Gordon lied, voice hoarse and out of breath. He was obviously not fine. He was still crying and shaking. 

"Gordon, I highly doubt that you are fine..." Dr. Coomer looked away ashamed. "...I am very sorry for making you feel bad after killing those soldiers. You are right. We were just shocked to see you stepping down the same path we did...You are usually the rationally thinking one..." Dr. Coomer looked into his eyes. 

"Yea, I-I am sorry too, Mr. Freeman!" Tommy chimed in. 

Bubby pouted and looked away but mumbled a sorry too. 

"Gordon Freeman still crying...Crying like a baby...hehe Gordon Babyman...Even after a sh@t load of blue..." Benrey's rather petulant reply stung a little, Gordon admitted.

"You know what, Benrey? F@ck you! F@ck you man!" Gordon's voice shook. He looked away, bottom lip trembling. 

Benrey's smile dropped and was replaced by a pout. "You could at least say thank you for pulling you out of that state.." He mumbled offended. 

"Thank you? THANK YOU?!? I'd honest to god rather drop dead here and now as to thank you for what you have and will pull me through." He yelled the first part, sighed, looked at him with a blank stare and cited the last part with a monotone voice. 

After everything calmed down and Gordon putting his helmet back on, they walked through the door the soldiers came through earlier. They walked into the empty building.

Climbing the stairs made them end up in what turned out to be a Wikipedia editing room.

Benrey sat in what looked like a hologram of the earth. Gordon wordlessly stood next to him, leaning against the wall. Gordon was about to ask a question he knew the answer to already but asked it anyway. 

"What are you editing?"   
"Your death."  
"Into what?"  
"Uhm- At the end of All Dogs go to Heaven 2" 

Gordon chuckled. "Yeah...I wish it would just happen..."

Benrey chose to ignore that comment. 

After some conversations and launching rockets that might have been nukes, the sun started setting. Seeing it for what seemed to be the first time in forever. 

Gordon took his helmet off, smiling tiredly at the gorgeous view. 

Benrey was sitting a few feet next to Gordon, back against the wall. He couldn't see the dusking sun but instead looked at the sunlight-highlighted man. 

...What a gorgeous view...

Gordon felt the other staring at him intensely and turned to him with a blank glare. He could have sworn he saw a tint of pink on Benrey's cheeks. Was probably the lighting. 

The others were telling some stories, laughing occasionally. 

Gordon turned around and clapped his hands together. "Alright, I think we should sleep." 

"I agree" Dr. Coomer nodded and lied down close to Bubby, hugging him. 

Gordon smiled at that. "Alright, Goodnight guys." Bubby and Dr. Coomer fell asleep immediately. Benrey was nowhere to be found, as usual and Tommy didn't want to go to sleep. Gordon sighed.

After telling Tommy a story about sodas and Beyblades, he finally fell asleep as well.

Now, the only ones awake were that inhuman guard Benrey and himself. Instead of sleeping though, he decided to walk around a little.

It was very dark outside already, save for some cold white lamps here and there. 'Everything is so familiar...Why can I recite yet unspoken sentences...This can't be just a weirdly accurate Deja Vu...'

Gordon's train of thoughts was brought to a halt as he walked around a corner, only to be met with the security guard, sitting on a crate.

Gordon just sighed and sat himself next to the crate. Benrey looked at him for a split minute and looked away again. "So uhh...What was that you said back in the Wikipedia room?" Benrey quietly said.

"What do you mean? I don't recall saying much..." Gordon answered tiredly. "You know...The 'I wish it would just happen' thing..." 

Gordon looked at him with a blank expression. 'Should I tell him..?' "Oh sh@t you heard that? Sorry, it's just...A lot of sh@t, besides this, is happening in my life right now..." 

Benrey just nodded. "Oof, F in chat for Gordos over here...' Gordon laughed a little at that comment. The guard smiled. 

Both looked into the cloudless night for some time. 

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Benrey remembered. 

"Can't" 'Because of the things I KNOW are going to happen...' Gordon thought the last part. 

Benrey stood up and walked to the other. "You should."

Gordon was about to explain to the guard what insomnia was when all of a sudden a beam of red to blue orbs of sweet voice hit him straight in the face.

The last thing that crossed his mind was something Tommy said before he faded into a deep slumber was: 'Blue to red it's time for bed...' 

End of chapter 2: Dawning realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waddaya think? I hope you enjoyed this!! Comments are always appreciated ^^

**Author's Note:**

> mmmmmmm why does writing take so long TwT (I will try to update once or twice a week tho :3)


End file.
